Somewhere within our home, perhaps still stuck to the side of our refrigerator, we have the ultrasound photos of our two boys. One is now 12 and the other one will be 2 in June of this year. I can still remember the sound of their heartbeats. It was a weird sound as it came through the machine. I’m making the sound now in my head but I don’t know quite know how to put that down on paper. At least at this point I’m not the only one hearing that sound echo through my cranium!

Do you remember the Doritos commercial where the husband is holding out a Dorito while his wife has the ultrasound? He moves the Dorito, the baby moves, he moves it again, the baby moves, he moves it more aggressively and the baby comes flying out of the womb!? What a great commercial. Guess what I took to our second child’s ultrasound? Ding! Ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Here I am walking into this medical facility thinking I’m the only man who thought of this idea when I see a sign on the door that says, “No Doritos!” (We have a photo of my oldest son and I holding up a bag of Doritos during the ultrasound).

Psalm 139 is my favorite psalm. Not all of the Psalms were written by David but this one was. We also don’t know exactly when he wrote it but to me that doesn’t matter. I’m just happy he wrote it. It describes how David, being a man after God’s own heart, perceived God and his presence. It’s a psalm that celebrates how much God cares for us at all times and in all places.

“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.” (Psalm 139:15 NLT).

We are all still being formed and shaped in God’s image outside the womb but there are still times when it seems as if we are in a very dark place and we feel all alone. My mom passed away on Thanksgiving weekend of 1995. She had been sick for a few years. At the time I was a 25 year old freshman at the University of Valley Forge. I arrived on a hot August day for soccer camp with a loaded beat up old four door Chrysler that blew out so much smoke it rivaled John Candy’s car in the movie, Uncle Buck. Three and a half hours earlier I had waived goodbye to my mom while she stood on the front porch of our home. I got the call on that November day a week prior to Thanksgiving that mom had taken a turn for the worse but I chose to stay and take my upcoming exams. My mom was happy that I did. For a few days during Thanksgiving break she was happy and seemed healthier. The thing is that sickness is cruel. It has no concept of emotions and it doesn’t care about seasons. It shows up when it shows up. I remember the drive up to the hospital on Saturday night. I sat and held my mom’s hand for awhile. Her grip was tight and to this day it still pains me that I pulled away out of my own selfishness and left to go pray. I should have held on longer. I made my way to our church gymnasium, went in to a darkened room and yelled to God, “YOU EITHER HEAL HER OR TAKE HER HOME! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!”. She went to be with the Lord a few hours later.

When I returned to college a week later I walked into a lonely, darkened dorm room. My roommate did not return. Those were some very lonely and cold Pennsylvania nights. I cried myself to sleep some nights and I felt alone.

Much like my children I was in my own little darkened womb but as David said about God, “You watched me…”

I’ve gone through some more dark seasons, some by my own hand and some of them have just been life. In these darkened womb seasons I’m reminded of three things…

1. God watches me. I’m never alone, ever.

2. God is still forming me. I went to ‘The Forge’ for biblical education but I’ve also been to ‘The Forge’ of life for other education.

3. God has his hands on me. He is not only forming me but he is weaving all of this life’s experience’s together to create his masterpiece.

Maybe you feel like you’re in a dark place. Maybe you are. Maybe you feel lost, alone, trapped, suffocated and forgotten. Maybe you’re 9 months into it and can’t wait to get out. I would encourage you to read Psalm 139 and allow God to comfort you. Hear David’s heart as he spent some time in some dark womb seasons. Learn from him. Rejoice in knowing that no matter how dark it is you are never alone, ever.