Have you ever gone through a season in your life where you felt emotionally drained and spiritually challenged? The finances aren’t financing, the relationships aren’t relating, the jobs aren’t working, and your spiritual life doesn’t feel very spiritual? Just enduring one of these areas can be a challenge but if you combine them all together it provides the ingredients for a volcanic eruption of emotions. Psalm 62:6 says, “Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.“ But, there are times and seasons in our lives where it feels as if we are being shaken to our very core. The answers aren’t answering. Even the questions seem to be questioning. Where do you go? Where do you turn? What do you do?

In the spring of 2013 I made the decision to resign from a church to pursue an endeavor with another pastor in another state. There weren’t any promises made or guarantees on the other end. Just come on up and see what happens. My wife and I would have to secure work outside of the church, find a place to live, and find a suitable school for my son to attend. It was a major risk to take in a normal situation but ours was not normal. My wife’s teaching contract at a private school was not renewed for the 2012-2013 school year which left her unemployed. She was able to secure a part time job working a few evenings at the local mall. It was something, but it wasn’t enough. On top of that she was on the last leg of finishing up her masters in teaching degree from Liberty University. I had the job security so there was much for us to consider and pray about.

On Sunday, April 28, 2013 the announcement was made to our church. We would be leaving at the end of the summer. On Friday, April 26, 2013 our dog of 13 years was put to sleep. The X-rays told the story. She had cancer. We were not off to a good start. We all mourned but I have never been one to take the news of death very well. This began the process of my emotional drain.

Once the decision to resign was made there was no going back. Within just two weeks my position was filled by a wonderful couple who would be gradually taking over my duties throughout the course of the summer.

We immediately began to take prayer drives around this area. Resumes were put out in all corners of this town and surrounding communities. We were given leads from members of the local church that we would be calling home.

Nothing. We drove and prayed some more. Nothing. We put out more resumes. Nothing. My wife got the call for a part time substitute teaching position. We knew that we could not move or even live on that income but we gave God the “chance” to move anyway. Nothing. I was willing to work wherever I could find work but I never received one phone call. Not one. Nothing.

As the summer progressed it became clear that this was not going to work out. Other opportunities did arise, however. I was interviewed for a Campus Pastor role at National Community Church. It was put on hold. I was interviewed for an Executive Pastor role at a church in Lancaster County, PA. It was put on hold. I was interviewed by a church in New York for a role that would eventually not be needed. I began to fell like the Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman. Doors kept being slammed in my face.

What had I done? Here we are with BOTH of us now without jobs. “God? A little help here would be appreciated!!”

*Part of the back story to all of this began in 2007. I was laid off from a job that I had worked for three years. I could not find work in my hometown so we had to move in with my in-laws for a season. I secured a job at a chimney company which only last two weeks before being laid off, again. I remained unemployed for a few weeks until I secured a full time substitute teacher position. Eight months after moving in with my in-laws we decided to move back to my hometown where my wife secured a teaching position at a private school and I went back to work for the company that had laid me off in 2007. This was now June of 2008. In November of 2009, my hours were reduced and I was eventually laid off again in the summer of 2010. It was in the fall of 2010 that I landed at this church that I would resign from in the spring of 2013. With my wife’s job layoff from the private school in the summer of 2012 it had meant that we endured a total of four layoffs in just five years! This is life. It happens.

At the end of the summer of 2013 we were sitting on the beach of Ocean City, NJ just watching my son enjoy the sun, waves, and sand. We had just endured a whirlwind of a summer with my resignation, prayer drives, job searches, and closed doors. Even though we both were without jobs there was an inner peace that could only come through the battles fought throughout this journey. I’m not perfect. I still had some waves of fear and worry. I still do. But, like Peter I’m getting out of the boat everyday attempting to walk on those waves while keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. The waves are real and some days are a little more wet than others. The first part of Proverbs 24:16 says, “for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.”

At the end of the evening on that summer night in Jersey my wife got a call from a local school principal. The very job that my wife had applied for and was turned down for was now being offered to her. She would begin working as a teacher’s aide at a local elementary school for the 2013/2014 school year. It just so happened to be at the same school where my son was attending. This position would also enable her to finish up her student teaching and then graduate in the summer of 2014 with a masters in teaching from Liberty University! She is now a full time teacher at a local elementary school. She was interviewed around 2:00pm on a Friday afternoon and received her job offer at 5:30pm…ON THE SAME AFTERNOON. God is good!!

I landed at Subway. The fall of 2013 was a very, very dark time for me. It was an emotional low point for me. My emotions continued to be drained and my faith continued to be challenged. Working in a fast food place is not beneath me. I would clean toilets if I had to in order to take care of my family. But, I wondered if I would be stuck here forever. It seemed as if no one wanted to hire me for any sort of pastoral role in their church. I don’t know why. Perhaps it was due to past decisions, I presumed. That notion was quickly shot down by a variety of friends, peers, and my wife. I’m not the second coming of anyone but I have much to offer. Closed doors meant rejection to me. And there weren’t any other ones that I could see to knock on. Truly, my only hope is in the Lord. And to inject the timeless poet, Bob Dylan, I was literally “knocking on heaven’s door.”

Just before landing at Subway in the fall of 2013, a friend of mine that I had not spoken to in almost fourteen years sent me this message that he believed the Lord had for me. I believe it to be true:

I feel the word God has for you is that, even though the season He is taking you through right now is scary and you can’t fully see what is going on or where God is taking you in ministry, that it is only a season. You need to embrace this season and dive into God like never before. He wants this time of waiting and preparation to be a time where you come to experience God and His presence like never before. Years from now, when you look back on this time, You will see it as one of the best times of your life because you walked even deeper with God and lived a deeper level of faith than you ever experienced, and because you learned what it really means to rely on God and follow Him without knowing where He is going. You will come through this season even more prepared and equipped to fulfill the calling God has on your life.

This was both powerful and timely for me. A friend recently told me that people take the “subway” to get from one place to another. It was said tongue-in-cheek but it was sprinkled with some truth.

Speaking of truth, do you want to know the real truth? I was wrong in my decision to resign from my former church. It wasn’t the fact of having any current hindsight. It was the fact that I had some reservations all along and because I wanted “more” I decided to manipulate and manage things on my own and all it did was create a mangled mess. It was my fault. But God is still in our tangled messes. He is still on the throne. I lost thousands of dollars in income when I chose to resign and ultimately land at Subway. THOUSANDS of dollars. Part of my drained emotions in the fall of 2013 stemmed from an indescribable feeling of loneliness and failure as a husband and father. I could not provide for my family and as a man I felt a terrible sense of hopelessness. Our combined income was less than what I was making alone at my former church. We probably qualified for state and government assistance. It was bad. It was ugly. We called upon Jehovah Jireh!

The one thing that I can say with complete confidence is that we have remained faithful throughout this entire journey. From 2007 until today we have endured a number of job changes, faced many closed doors, prayed ourselves to sleep, lost some sleep, and have asked God every question in the book. Our marriage is stronger. My son is both comical and sensitive in his love for God. My wife is living her dream as a teacher and I’m still believing in mine to come true. Should I dare say that I’m “livin’ on a prayer?”:)

So, I have to end on a positive note…

We have never missed a rent payment. We have never been in collection. We have never missed a tithe. We have always had food on the table, clothes on our backs, cars to drive, and a home to sleep in. I have no idea how we will ever be able to pay back our student loans or even if I will ever see the ROI (return of investment) on them. But, we are blessed and I am thankful!

God has provided in the form of Pentecostal handshakes, checks in the mail, cards, letters, emails, texts, phone calls and of course the all important Facebook messages. He has sustained us. He is always with us. He will never leave us. We have never asked for anything but God has known when we have needed any thing.

On paper I don’t have any hope. My inbox is not flooded with pastors wanting to hire me. But, my hope isn’t on paper, it is in God. Joseph was faithful and in God’s timing the door to his prison flung wide open!

Revelation 3:7-8 says, “These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. ⁸ I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.”

My emotions have been drained and my faith has been challenged. But one thing that I know to be true is that God always honors His word. May these parting words be of some encouragement to you on your journey as they have been for me. “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6.